


Asgardian mead is probably a bad idea

by goldthatglistens



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Lots of Vomit, M/M, Steve gets drunk, Thor throws a party, bucky takes care of him, they're all dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21737563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldthatglistens/pseuds/goldthatglistens
Summary: My friend requested “Thor brings over some shit that can fuck everyone up, supersoldiers included. Chaos ensues and Bucky has to take care of Steve throwing up and it becomes Stucky.”
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34





	Asgardian mead is probably a bad idea

**Author's Note:**

> I tried my best. Wrote it in like thirty minutes, because I have finals to study for, you dumbass

“This is the good stuff,” said Thor. “Proper Asgardian mead.” He gestured to a large coffin shaped and sized container.

“That’s huge,” said Clint. “Is that all for us?”

“It is to share amongst us all,” said Thor. “It brings about camaraderie and friendship.”

“And it’s alcoholic?” asked Tony.

“Yes, man of iron!” said Thor. “It will inebriate anyone.”

“Anyone?” asked Steve curiously. “I haven’t been able to get drunk since the serum. Neither has Bucky.”

Thor laughed. “Have faith. Asgardian mead has not failed yet! The strongest liquor in all the universe.”

Twenty minutes later, everyone realized just how strong Asgardian mead was. One sip went a long way and the party was off the walls crazy wild. (Except for Peter Parker who was pouting in a corner because he was restricted to apple juice and spritzer water).

“Where did Steve go?” asked Natasha just as Bucky came running in.

“TONY! NATASHA! HE’S DYING!” yelled Bucky crashing into the wall. “Steve’s dying.”

“What’s going on?” asked Tony. They follow Bucky to Tony’s bathroom where they hear Steve throwing up inside.

“He’s been like this for so long,” said Bucky looking close to tears. “He won’t let me in. He won’t even say anything.”

Natasha knocked on the door, “Steve? Are you alright?” There was no reply, but terrible relching.

“Jarvis, can you open the door?” asked Tony.

“No, sir,” said Jarvis. “That’s your specially reinforced bathroom door.”

“You have a specially refrigerated bathroom door, dude?” asked Clint barely standing on his own.

“I don’t want to be attacked while I shit,” replied Tony. “It’s a really big fear of mine, actually.”

“Who cares about your shit, Tony?” Bucky cried. “Steve is in there and he’s dying. He’s such a tiny guy.” Bucky wiped away some tears with his metal fingers.

“Is the Winter Soldier crying?” asked Tony. “Are you seeing this? Is anyone seeing this? Jarvis! Record this!” Tony snapped his fingers at the ceiling.

“Steve is huge,” said Natasha calmy. “He’s bigger than you, James. He’ll be fine.”

Bucky ignored her and knocked on the door, “Steve, please let me in.”

Horrible retching sounds came out of the door.

“Stevie,” wailed Bucky. He pounded on the door. The door creaked ominously.

“Watch the door!” called Tony. The door was nearly coming off of its hinges.

“Steve!! Let me in!” yelled Bucky as the door banged wildly.

“Bucky, stop,” said Natasha. “Don’t break anything.”

“You’re gonna break the door,” cried Tony. “I can’t believe it. The fucking door. The fucking door!”

“That’s it,” said Bucky. “I’m going in. I got to get to him.”

“Don’t break down the door,” said Natasha. “Please don’t break down the door.”

Bucky gets into a runners starting position, “I’m gonna break down the door.”

“Don’t break down my door!” yelled Tony. “I had it specially made so I could shit in peace!”

“The shitty door! It shits some more!” sang Clint before slowly sliding down the wall and crumpling into a heap.

“ARRRRGGGGHHHHH,” screamed Bucky and he ran at the door, breaking it open.

“MY DOOR!” wailed Tony.

“POOP!” yelled Clint from his position on the floor.

“I really hate you all,” muttered Natasha, shaking her head.

“They said it would withstand an alien attack,” complained Tony. “It just crumped under him.”

“He’s alive!” cried Bucky. “Someone get us some water.”

Natasha left to go get some water while Tony crowded into the bathroom. The bathroom was absolutely trashed. Pieces of the door littered the entire bathroom. Steve was crouched over the toilet looking miserable. Bucky crouched behind Steve and rubbed his back soothingly.

“I’m fine,” said Steve as he puked all over the toilet.

“Oh shit, Steve,” said Tony. “How did you get this trashed in twenty minutes?”

“I’m okay,” said Steve. “I’ll be alright. You guys go and have fun.” He leaned over the toilet again.

“You’re doing great, pal,” said Bucky encouragingly. “Get it all out.”

“You!” Tony turned to Buck. “You broke my fucking door. I hope you’re happy.”

“I’m happy,” replied Bucky. “I’m with Steve.” He gently wiped the hair out of Steve’s face.

“Aw, that was actually kind of cute,” Tony put his hands on his heart. “As cute as a deadly geriatric assassin can be, anyway.”

“I’m fine, Buck,” said Steve. “You don’t gotta worry about me.”

“You gotta drink some water, Stevie,” said Bucky. “It’ll help you.”

Bucky helped Steve take a few sips of the water.

“Thanks Buck,” said Steve. “That helps.” He leaned over the toilet again.

“I think we should clean some of this vomit off of him,” said Natasha. “The smell of vomit can sometimes trigger more vomit.”

“Maybe we can get Steve in the tub,” mused Bucky. “Wash all this stuff off of him. I used to do it when he was younger.”

Scott Lang came in as Bucky started stripping Steve’s pants off his body.

“No matter how beautiful and tempting his ass might be, you know this is not the time to fuck Steve,” slurred Scott wobbling on his feet.

“Steve is going to be fine, Bucky,” ranted Tony. “He’s a fucking super soldier. He survived being a popsicle for FIFTY YEARS. Do you know what is not going to be fine? MY DOOR.”

Natasha came in with the water. “There are too many people in here. Everyone get out.”

Bucky stood up, swaying a little and faced Natasha. “I am not leaving Steve. I said to the end of the line, and I fucking meant it.”

“I didn’t mean you, stupid,” said Natasha. “Now get the fuck out, metal man and bug boy.”

Unfortunately, at that moment Thor came by the bathroom to see what was happening. “Moving the party to a smaller space, are we?”

Scott, who had been trying to get out of the bathroom, walked right into Thor and bounced off his chest into Tony. Tony fell into Natasha who shoved them all back to fall on Thor.

“Steve can’t hold his liquor so Bucky broke down the door to my bathroom,” said Tony.

“It’s not Steve’s fault,” wailed Bucky. “He’s just so small. He’s not ready to die.”

“Did Steve shrink when he got drunk?” asked Thor curiously. “It’s been known to happen to some.”

“What do you mean it’s been known to happen to some?” asked Tony nervously.

Thor and Scott ignored him and peered blurily at Steve throwing up in the toilet.

“He looks the same size to me,” said Scott. “And I would know.”

“Will all of you get the fuck out of the bathroom?” yelled Natasha. “And for fuck’s sake, will someone go get Bruce?”

“I AM NOT LEAVING STEVE,” bellowed Bucky. “I will stand by him until the END OF THE LINE. You will have to FIGHT ME before I leave him.”

“Again, I didn’t mean you, James!” Natasha said between clenched teeth. “Now everyone else, get out!”

Thor, Tony and Scott left the bathroom as Bucky gently carried Steve to the bathtub. Natasha gave Steve a plastic bag to throw up in, and Bucky washed the vomit off of Steve with the shower.

There was a light knocking sound and Bruce came into the bathroom. “Steve couldn’t hold his liquor, could he?”

“Apparently, he’s a lightweight,” said Natasha.

“No kidding,” said Bruce.

“So is this one,” laughed Natasha, gently thumping Bucky’s arm. “Bucky’s nearly as drunk as Steve. I didn’t peg him being such a sweet drunk.”

“I think he’d only do this for, Steve,” Bruce said as they watched Bucky gently massage Steve’s shoulders.

“Is he going to die, doctor?” asked Bucky, his eyes shining with tears.

“I’m fine, Bucky,” said Steve. “I promise you.”

“I think we need to rehydrate Steve,” said Bruce. “I’m not too worried that he’ll die of alcohol poisoning. The serum is pretty tough.”

“You hear that, Stevie?” said Bucky softly. “You’re gonna be okay.” Steve made a groaning noise and threw up into the bag.

Sam walked into the bathroom. “What happened? Where did Steve go?”

“Steve’s throwing up,” said Natasha. “He drank too much.”

“Aw, hell, man,” said Sam looking around the bathroom. “This is disgusting.”

“Do you think you can get Steve some gatorade?” asked Bruce. “He needs to replenish the water he’s losing.”

“Sure, can do,” said Sam. “I don’t know how you are all standing in this disgusting bathroom.” He gestured to the vomit on the wall, shook his head, and left.

“That’s a good idea,” said Bruce.

“What?” asked Natasha.

“Well, he’s throwing up less now.” said Bruce. “We can move him to the bed.”

“The closest bed is Tony’s bed,” said Natasha.

“Tony doesn’t sleep in that bed,” said Bruce. “He sleeps with Pepper. I don’t even know why he has that bed.”

“That’s fine then,” said Natasha. “James, can we move Steve to the bed?”

“Alright,” said Bucky.

Bucky carefully wrapped Steve in a towel and carried him out of the bathroom.

On the way, they passed Clint, who was still singing on the floor. Before they got to Tony’s bedroom, they ran into Tony and Pepper.

“Hey, where you taking him?” asked Tony. He had his arms wrapped around Pepper and was swaying to the beat of the music.

“To your bedroom,” said Natasha. “Get out of the way.”

“You’re joking,” said Tony.

“Nope,” said Bruce with a small smirk.

“Fuck!” yelled Tony. “First my door and now my bed?”

“You don’t even sleep in that bed,” said Pepper entangling her fingers with Tony’s fingers. “Calm down.”

“But it’s my bed,” whined Tony. “It’s the principle of the matter.”

“He’s drunk,” said Pepper to Natasha. “He’ll get over it.”

Sam came back with five bottles of gatorade and helped Bucky get Steve settled on Tony’s bed.

Tony wandered in and sat on the floor. Pepper sat besides him and put is arm around her.

“Tony’s actually very worried about Steve,” said Pepper to Sam. “It’s very sweet.”

“I’m not worried about Steve, I’m worried about my bed,” said Tony.

“Bullshit,” said Natasha. “You’re a terrible liar.”

Natasha handed Bucky another trash bag and Bucky switched out the one that Steve was currently vomiting into.

“Look how small he is,” whispered Bucky. “He likes being petted.”

“You’re not even petting him,” said Sam. “You’re petting me.”

“Fuck off, Sam,” said Bucky.

“Well, it’s true,” said Sam. He indicated to where Bucky was stroking Sam’s hand resting on Steve’s back.

“Steve is not small. He’s fucking huge,” said Tony. “And he’s throwing up all over my bed.”

Steve made a whimper and threw up some more.

“There you go, Steve,” said Bucky. “It’s okay I got you.”

“You don’t have Steve. You’re still petting my hand, you shit,” said Sam.

“Stop touching my hand, Sam,” replied Bucky. He kissed Steve on his forehead.

“Bucky,” Steve whined. “I wanna stop.”

“It’s okay, Stevie,” said Bucky. “You’re almost done. You gotta drink something though.”

Bucky lifted the gatorade to Steve’s mouth and helped him take small sips.

“Buck, you’re amazing,” murmured Steve.

“They’re actually really sweet together, aren’t they?” Natasha asked Bruce.

“I feel like a third wheel,” sighed Sam.

“You are a third wheel,” said Bruce.

Sam looked at Bucky whispering encouragements into Steve’s ear and said, “Fuck. You’re right.”

“Make sure Steve drinks all that gatorade, Bucky,” said Bruce. “Then he’ll be fine. The super-serum should be able to handle it.

“You hear that, Steve,” said Bucky, bringing the gatorade back to Steve’s mouth. “You gotta drink some more.”

Steve obediently took a few sips of gatorade and closed his eyes.

“How did Steve get so drunk?” asked Natasha. “The party literally just started like half an hour ago.”

Bruce shrugged. “I think Steve hasn’t had anything resembling alcohol in so long that he was really lightweight. He also drank a whole cup of it.”

“A whole cup?” cried Tony. “I had three sips and I was shitfaced.”

“You still are, baby,” reminded Pepper.

“Oh, yeah,” said Tony with a surprised look on his face.

“Steve drank all the gatorade,” said Bucky. “And he stopped vomitting.”

“That’s great!” said Bruce. “Look, I’m going to get some more gatorade and you all can go back and enjoy the party, alright? It literally just started.”

“You have to enjoy yourself sometime, Bruce,” said Natasha. “You’ve got to let it loose. I can take care of these super-idiots over here.”

“It’s okay,” said Bucky. He had laid back in the bed and arranged Steve so he was draped across Bucky. “You get those gatorades and I’ll take care of Steve. I sobered up.”

“There’s gatorade in the fridge right here,” offered Pepper. She threw a few bottles to Bucky who caught them with his metal arm.

“Make sure Steve drinks more,” said Bruce. “And make sure he doesn’t throw up and choke to death in his sleep. I’ll be back in thirty minutes to make sure you both are still arlight.

“Thanks, doc,” said Bucky. “I’ll keep him safe.”

“I know you will,” smiled Bruce.

Bruce, Natasha, and Sam came back thirty minutes later to check on Steve and Bucky.

Steve was laying on top of Bucky and Bucky had his  
arms around Steve. Steve leaned forward and kissed Bucky; Bucky kissed back eagerly.  
“That is sweet, but that is also fucking disgusting,” whispered Sam. “Steve just threw up half his guts and Bucky is literally licking the inside of his mouth.

“I think Steve is okay now,” said Bruce.

They hear Bucky ask, “Are you still drunk? Or did you sober up already?”

“I’m sober now,” said Steve. “More sober than I’ve been in my entire life.”

“Good,” growled Bucky. Then they heard Steve give a moan and Sam covered his hands with his ears.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here,” said Sam. Sam, Natasha and Bruce quickly exit and shut the door before they can hear anything else.

“What a night,” sighed Sam.

“I’m just glad those two idiots are alright,” said Bruce. “And finally figured it out.”

“Come on, fellows,” said Natasha. “Let’s go rejoin the party.”

***

Steve and Bucky rejoined the party three hours later looking sweaty and disheveled. Steve waved as they walked up to Sam, Bruce and Natasha.

“Had a good time?” asked Natasha.

“Well, I’m feeling better now,” said Steve brightly. “I just wanted to say thank you for helping to take care of me.”

“No problem, man,” said Sam.

“Luckily, the super serum went through that mead pretty quickly,” said Steve. “I think it got it out of my system in like, what thirty minutes?”

“We’re gonna leave now,” said Bucky. He intertwined his hand with Steve.

“Good for you,” said Natasha.

“Ah, back to being all grumpy when you’re sober, eh Buck?” asked Sam.

“We were all rooting for you two, you know,” said Bruce.

“Did everyone know?” asked Steve.

“Pretty much everyone,” said Sam. “Except for you two.” Sam gave a cackle of laughter.

“Oh,” said Bucky with a frown. “Why did it take so long?”

Natasha, Sam and Bruce laughed.

“Get out of here,” said Natasha. “Go home and have some fun.”

Steve and Bucky make their way out of the party hand in hand.

**Author's Note:**

> I was a little at a loss for how to write this because I hate going out and partying, so my friend sent me this video for reference and told me to watch from 3:12. I legit just stole and expanded on that video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWPvx9LrfLA
> 
> Please y’all be safe. Know your limits, drink lots of water and don’t drink and drive.


End file.
